The first time I experienced true acceptance was as an exchange student. Nobody cared that my teeth pointed in irregular directions or that I had no sense of fashion. My social awkwardness was also irrelevant. All that mattered was that I was the exchange student from California. Sure, there were many who disliked me simply for being American, as any American who has traveled internationally can attest to, but the overwhelming majority were willing to elbow their way through a crowd just to introduce themselves to me. It may have been celebrity-like acceptance, resulting in mostly superficial interactions, but it was nothing like I had ever experienced. Let's face it, when you spend the majority of your time being excluded at every turn, simple things like acceptance are not taken for granted.
The funny thing is, when you're accepted for who you are, flaws and all, you achieve a connection to humanity that is hard to measure. Decades have passed since my year as an exchange student, and yet I have maintained relationships that began during that year. Other students from all over the world have remained part of my life, but more importantly, my bond with the family that took me in has endured. They were just being themselves, but the gift they gave me is irreplaceable.
I returned home to California to find things had not really changed — but my perception of them had. Being included and valued for who you are starts with your willingness to accept yourself, flaws and all. I found I was no longer able to value, or fight to maintain, toxic, one-sided relationships with people who were all take and no give. As a result, my relationships improved, because I was seeking healthy connections and no longer settling for whatever I could get.
Naturally, inclusiveness and tempered judgement are traits we have actively sought to teach our children as parents. Not only is it better for relationship-building, but things are much less stressful when you're not surrounded by toxicity. Regardless of how much emphasis is placed on things, I'm not always sure how much my children absorb. We do our best to lead by example, but you never really know what they believe until they show you.
When my daughter was eight, she received a new princess doll as a gift: Merida from Disney/Pixar's Brave (2012). As I was going past her room, I glanced in and stopped dead. I couldn't help but notice her princess dolls sitting in a circle with Merida clearly apart from the rest. Before I could say or do anything beyond my quizzical expression, she advised me, "we're having a 'princess meeting,' to welcome Merida!"
Of course you are. Even at eight, she gets something that continues to elude many adults.
